THE YEAR 2012!

 A Brain Fart  by Miss Fanny

So here we are in a new year.  It’s 2012 and all I’ve got to say is Hallelujah! When you get my age you‘re just glad when you wake up in the morning, but if you really think about it I guess that we’re all are living on borrowed time.

This is a leap year, which means that there’s one extra day added to the 365 that we normally have.  Unfortunately that gives folks an additional day to act a fool this year, and I’m sure that there are plenty of them out there who will prove me right.

Last year was pretty exciting for me.  I’m sure that you heard about my good fortune.  If you didn’t that means that you having been reading our story, especially the one about how my daughter-in-law, Hattie Collier, made headlines in Las Vegas—talk about somebody acting a fool!  Of course Hattie and her two best friends, Bea and Connie, are still running around here trying to be some kind of detectives.  It’s really pitiful, since they have no idea what they’re doing, and this year they have an extra day to prove how truly crazy they are.

If you ask me, half the world has gone crazy, and a new year probably won’t improve the situation, especially since it’s an election year too.  Lord have mercy!  I can’t wait until that’s over.  In the next couple of months we’re gonna hear more lies coming from the candidates than the law ought to allow.  I’m thinking about moving to a foreign country until the election is over, and I’ll mail in my absentee vote.

Speaking of foreign countries, one of my fondest wishes for this New Year is that I won’t have to hear one more word about that royal family in England.  Didn’t America defeat that country way back when?  You wouldn’t know it the way the media here slobbers all over every little thing that the “royals” do.  Why a bunch of foreign welfare recipients who live off of the taxes of their hard working countrymen get so much attention I can’t understand.  What they need to do is make some of those princes and princesses get some jobs and then they could support that queen mother.  That ought to help the European financial crisis I keep reading about.  It seems to me that the royal family is just some sort of show case and they are about as useless as the U.S. Congress, the Kardashians, and the other so-called reality shows, including the one about the fat folks.  I’m tired of reading and hearing about all of them.

In spite of my complaints, I’m realistic and I know that there’s little hope that my wish for the year will come true. Like I said earlier, I’m just glad that I’m here to see another 365…oops, 366 days, and I’ll enjoy every one of them that the good Lord grants me.  I hope that you do too.  

This is Fanny Collier wishing you Happy Musings!

A HOLIDAY GREETING

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

FROM THE

LADIES OF GRANDMOTHERS, INCORPORATED

L. Barnett Evans & C.V. Rhodes

a.k.a. Bea Bell, Hattie Collier, Connie Palmer and Miss Fanny

We'll see you next year with more blogging fun when we resume

on

January 6, 2012!

WORDS OF WISDOM

This week it’s me, Hattie Collier, writing my thoughts about a couple of things I’ve learned over the years.  I’d be the first to admit that although I think of myself as intelligent, I’m not a scholar.  I do read the newspaper and listen to the news every day so as far I’m concerned, that and the fact that I have sixty something years of life experience under my belt, has given me a degree of knowledge that I have come to appreciate.   At times I’m surprised at what I’ve learned about life.  So, I decided to put a few of those things in categories and write down my thoughts about some of the wisdom I’ve acquired.

AMERICA

As someone who has lived through some of the worse times when it comes to race in this country, it can be said that things have gotten a lot better than in the past.  However, despite the 2008 election which resulted in an African American president, America is not “post racial.”  The word post racial only means that as usual people don’t want to talk about the country’s racial problem.  So when the continued silence blows up in our faces in the form of racial strife, we shouldn’t be surprised.

THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS

My first thought was that I’ve never seen such a bunch of idiots in my life.  Then after I thought about it more, I could see that they might not be as clueless as I thought.  After all, if you’re an upper middle class or wealthy American (because poor people don’t run for office on a national level) who can raise a lot of money for a campaign (and I do mean a lot!) and win, you can enter the U.S. Congress under the noble disguise of wanting to “serve the people” and end your Congressional wealthier than when you entered!  What a deal, and at our expense.

THE PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES

In America, if you’re at the bottom of your college class or a C student in an Ivy League college, you can be considered a serious contender for President or become President of the United States, as long as your family is wealthy or well connected.  Obviously, intelligence does not matter.  However, if you’re  from the working class and you’ve gone to school on scholarships, grants and loans and  graduate at the top of your college class, and worked most of your life to pay back student loans you’re called an “elitist” if you run for President of the United States.  It all seems kind of backward to me.

EDUCATION VS SPORTS

If it ever came to a battle between the two, it has become obvious to me that sports would be the winner.  Over the years I’ve noticed that football and basketball programs have become more important in most colleges and universities in the United States than academic programs.   I bet that most institutions of higher learning would willingly give up one of their educational departments rather than disband its football or basketball programs.  Any male dominated sport in this country that brings in a buck or two is much more important than educating the future generation of this country.  I know where I live the city will build a brand new sports stadium before they fund the public school system adequately—as a matter of fact it has built not one, but two stadiums, both proof  of  what is more important in our city.

There are a lot more things that I’ve learned over the years, but I’ll share those with you later.  Right now I’d better sign off because the more I think about all of the things I’ve mentioned, the madder I’m getting. I’ll leave you to do the musing.

KEEP YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION – 5 GUARANTEED DIET PLANS

           

This is Connie Palmer here to remind you that Santa Claus is coming to town.  As soon as he leaves you’ll be faced with another year of reflection.  That’s right, another year of New Year’s Resolutions, the annual ritual of making a list of promises you either won’t or can’t keep.  This time around, I’m not going to participate in the yearly blood bath of disappointment.  This year I’m here to help you.

The number one resolution, especially for women, is weight loss.  We all know that being closer to your “ideal” weight is better for your health and possibly your well-being.  The problem is a lot of us try to lose pounds as quickly as possible and be done.  When it comes to weight loss we have a “fix it and forget it” mentality when we know we need to make lifestyle changes.  For those of you who still want a quick fix, I have a guaranteed solution.   There is no limit to the number of fad diets and chances are you’ve tried one or more.  These diets are guaranteed to work.  The weight loss resolution-solution is not how or if you try the fad diets, but when you try them.  Here are five of my favorite fad diets that won’t leave you behind the eight ball on next December 31. 

THE 1 DAY DIET  – On this plan you’re guaranteed to lose1 to 2 pounds.  Now the diet can’t be repeated more than twice a week, but if one day is all you can last on a diet, this plan is the one for you.

THE 7 DAY ALL YOU CAN EAT DIET  – If you like fruits and vegetables, you’re a winner because you can have all the fruits and vegetables you want the first three days of the plan.  On the fourth day, you eat 5 bananas with 5 glasses of milk.   On Friday, the fifth day, eat all the fresh vegetables and fruit you want, plus you can add 3 ounces of beef, chicken or fish steaks.  Saturday is vegetable day with 3 ounces of beef steak.  Sunday repeat Saturday’s menu.  This is bound to work because; depending on your system most of this food will most likely come out of one end of your body or the other for a guaranteed five pound weight loss.

THE CABBAGE SOUP DIET - This diet lets you eat homemade cabbage soup whenever you’re hungry.  Personally, I really enjoyed the soup even when I wasn’t trying to diet.   I would suggest investing in a large supply of Beano, GasX, or some similar product while on this diet.  

 THE HOLLYWOOD DIET -   I remember when this was a diet plan that many stars raved about, and why not?  It’s nothing but juice and a total of about 400 calories.  Follow this diet long enough and you could look like a starving actress or a dead model in no time.  According to Faddiet.com you can expect to lose 3-4 pounds on this type of diet fast.  

THE GRAPEFRUIT DIET –.  Believe it or not, this diet may actually work because you either eat ½ grapefruit or drink 8 ounces of grapefruit juice a day.  You must drink 64 ounces of water a day and the rest of the plan calls for a menu to follow. This is great if you like grapefruit and you don’t mind possibly getting an ulcer.  Either way, with all the liquid you consume some water loss is guaranteed.

I know you ladies and gentlemen are astute enough to remember that I said some weight loss is guaranteed with these plans, and here’s how:  I suggest making your resolution on New Year’s day 2012 but start your diet on December 25, 2012  By December 31, 2012, you can honestly say you lost some weight during the year.

I was browsing Daniel Worona‘s website on humor and ran across this quote:  “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.  ~Author Unknown

It seems to me that the advice in this quote is absolutely perfect to assure  a successful weight loss plan for the new year.  Happy musing!

BRAIN FART: HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, KICK THE KIDS OUTSIDE

I have to admit that I, Fanny Collier, was practicing the yearly spending ritual that we call Christmas shopping when I ran across a retro toy shop.  They were selling toys that were popular when my son was a child and even some toys from when I was little.

There were jacks, jump ropes, Tonka trucks, and even a Lionel train set.  It all made me long for the “good old days”.  Now that’s something I seldom do because I know that time marches on and those days were old but not often as good as we remember.

Seeing those toys got me thinking about a conversation I had with my grandson when he was younger.  I was telling him about games that I played growing up.  There were games like jump rope and kick the can and hand-clapping games like Mary Mac.  As I was recalling how much fun I used to have, my grandson shot down my moment of nostalgia by asking me if we were too poor to afford toys.   Was he serious?  Taking a deep breath, I explained that we did have some toys but we didn’t need a bunch of commercial toys because we played games that were fun and imaginative.   When he continued to stare at me blankly, I just told him to go outside and play.

Then it hit me! Do parents make their kids go outside to play anymore?  There were not many days, especially during the summer, that our parents didn’t send us outside.  They really didn’t care rather we wanted to go out; we were not allowed to sit in the house all day unless we were doing some chore.  The fact that we kids were given jobs to do around the house was enough to inspire going outside to play.

When you think about it, games haven’t really changed that much.  I used to complain that the games today are more violent, but in reality the ones that children played in the past, like cops and robbers and cowboys and Indians were violent as well.  The only difference was that the blood and gore was implied and not visible like they are in today’s video games.  Back then everyone wanted to be the good guys.

Of course much tamer games like hopscotch, jacks, tag, hide-and-seek, etc.  may be considered by young people today  as “lame” or “stupid”,  but such games provided exercise and fun, fresh air and sunshine, to say nothing of developing coordination. 

Even if the games of the past are lame, stupid or just old-fashioned, they’re better for our kids than video games.  At best the latter develops good thumb coordination and at worst, they teach stealing and killing skills.  Either way the child is being programmed instead of learning to think.

As you shop for toys this Christmas, you can spend a fortune for games for your kids that promote cave-man-like qualities, but I’d like to suggest that you kick your kids outdoors to play—especially if it’s cold and snowing.  I’ll bet they’ll use their imaginations then.  So muse on that!

VIRGINITY! WHAT’S THAT?

“Hattie, my fifteen year old grandbaby is pregnant and I don’t know how it happened.”

Over the years I’ve heard some version of this sentence coming out of the mouths of far too many of my friends and acquaintances, and lately I’ve noticed that it’s only getting worse.   You can fill in the blank on what relative it is having the baby, but the results are always the same.  Someone who is too young and totally unprepared to bring a human life into the world is about to do so. 

Most of the people who break the news to me throw the “I don’t know how it happened” into the sentence not because they’re ignorant of the process.  What they mean is that the young person in question has been raised in a Christian household where they attended Sunday services and Sunday school on a weekly basis and were well acquainted with the Word of the Lord, and it still happened.   Of course we all know that being acquainted with rules and following them is another story—even divine rules. So when I read an article in a Christian magazine titled “(Almost) Everyone’s Doing It”, I wasn’t shocked or surprised by the information that it provided. 

According to a 2009 study conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, “80% of unmarried evangelical young adults (18-29) said that they have had sex—slightly less than 88 percent of unmarried adults…”  Now that’s only counting the young people of age, and that’s in a two year old study.  The numbers are probably off the chart by now.  Sex sells, and having sex could make you rich.  At least that’s what my grandchildren seem to think.   It’s my understanding that one of the biggest reality stars today is a young woman who became famous because of a sex tape. What a role model she must be.

I thank God every day that neither my son nor my daughter had any babies before they got married.  Were they virgins when they married?  I’d rather not know the answer to that, so I don’t think about it; but the article did give me something to think about.  It said that in the days when the scripture about abstinence was written, marriages were arranged and folks could be as young as 13 when they married.   That gave them less time for temptation when it came to sex.  These days there are Christians in their 30s, 40s, 50s and up, who remain unmarried, and many may never get married. That’s a long time to avoid temptation, much longer than in the old days.   

I’m not going to lie, before reading that I was too quick to condemn any Christian who came into our church with a big belly and who wasn’t married.  Pregnancy was the living proof of what they had been doing.  Of course, there’s never be any need in denying that there were plenty of folks in the church who were doing the same thing and hadn’t been caught.  Much too often we Christians choose to ignore facts. 

The bottom line is that the social rules and mores in this country about virginity seemed to have changed.  For someone of my generation it’s confusing, especially when the rules of the Bible have been the ones that I’ve been taught to follow.  Yet, even the church seems to be faced with a dilemma that it doesn’t quite know how to solve.  The article concluded with the following questions:  “So what should a Christian parent or youth pastor do?  How do they convince more young Christians to wait until marriage, or should they stop trying?”

Should we give up trying to expect moral behavior?  Uh, I don’t think so, but until someone wiser than me comes up with a solution, I guess we’ll all have to muse on it.  Meanwhile, the unplanned pregnancies and the increase in HIV/AIDS cases as well as other sexually transmitted diseases will be the price that we’ll have to pay for our indecision.   

LIBERAL LEANINGS

This is Connie writing this week, and when I was trying to think of something to write about for some reason the word liberal kept coming to mind.  Maybe it was all of the political talk on TV that got me to thinking about it. We just had an election here in our city and the words liberal and conservative were tossed around a lot. Although I’ve been described by my friends as the “liberal” one in our group,   quite frankly I’m always been skeptical of the true meaning behind both words and of the people who claim them.

Yes, I’m a woman in her sixties who is seeing a younger man. I don’t see why that’s supposed to be so liberal.  Personally, I’ve found that a younger man can fulfill my needs a little better than a man my age or older. Hell! That’s just practical as far as I’m concerned. 

I participated in the Occupy Wall Street protest here in our city and I didn’t see that as being liberal either. To me that was common sense.  Why wouldn’t I protest other people controlling my destiny?  I was a foot soldier during the Civil Rights Movement, why would I be any less now? Anybody who believes that the wealthiest people in the United States don’t hold most of the power in this country is fooling themselves.  It’s always been that way.  I don’t remember reading a thing about the poorest men in the Colonies signing the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution when the United States was formed.  Protesting is a right.

My friends tell me that I’ll go along with almost any radical thing that comes along.  I don’t agree with that.  I’ve got my limits, but yes, there are a lot of things that I don’t have a problem with in my life.

I was always for Women’s Lib long before it had a name and I still am! I was married for three decades and I was my husband’s equal in every way, and I knew it—so did he. If you’re a woman don’t come sniffling around me talking about walking ten steps behind some man. You’ll get no sympathy from me.  Eve was made from Adam’s rib and that’s on the side of the body.  Gay rights!  Why not?  It’s not my place to judge the lifestyle of others.  There’s only one judge and jury at life’s end and it’s not me or anybody else I know on this earth. 

Politically, I think of myself as an independent.  I’ve voted Democrat, Republican, Libertarian and I’ve written names in that weren’t established candidates.  If I like a candidate, he or she has my vote. 

So, am I a liberal? I decided to look both words up to see how Webster’s New World Dictionary defined them.  The two definitions of liberal that I liked were “not restricted” and “giving freely”.  The definitions for the word conservative that caught my eye were “conserving or tending to conserve; preservative, and tending to preserve established traditions or institutions and to resist or oppose any changes in these.” 

Oh! Oh!  “Tending to preserve established traditions or institutions and to resist or oppose any changes in these?”  I don’t like that.  Change is a constant and if Connie Palmer is anything she’s constant when it comes to change.

I guess my friends are right.  Maybe I do have liberal leanings.   Guess I’ll take some time and muse on that.