A CHOCOLATE A DAY DOES NOT KEEP THE POUNDS AWAY

 

Hello readers.  I’m Beatrice Bell or Bea as my friends call me.  I don’t have to tell those of you who follow our Grandmothers, Incorporated adventure series that my friends and I are detectives.  I ran across something a few weeks ago that couldn’t help but challenge me to sniff out the truth.

Like many people, I wouldn’t mind losing a few pounds.  So, when I first heard that chocolate might be good for weight loss, my ears perked up.  The story was all over the news and the internet.  Happy day!  I didn’t waste my time or taste buds on cheap chocolate.  For a week I ate the good, expensive stuff.  My reasoning was that the quality of the chocolate would probably speed up my weight loss.

My detective sense started to tingle when a little known heredity gene kicked in.  My grandmother called it ‘mother wit’; you may know it as common sense.  Eat chocolate every day and lose weight faster?  Really?  There was another clue that made me suspicious.  When I put on my favorite pair of jeans I couldn’t zip them up!  I knew it was time to investigate this eat chocolate and lose    weight claim because something wasn’t right.

I was reading the Wall Street Journal (yes, I do that every once in a while) and I ran across a story about a science journalist named John Bohannan.  It seems this Bohannan, was a sort of watch dog of other scientist.  With the help of fellow colleagues he rigged a “scientific” study, wrote a paper about chocolate being a weight-loss accelerator and sent it to science journals for publication to see if anybody would challenge the study.

The next thing you know, nearly every media outlet you can name was reporting the story without checking the facts.  According to the article I read, most reporters didn’t challenge a single word of the study.  They didn’t even Google the “German Science Institute” that supposedly did the study.  If they had they would have found that it was phony.  It doesn’t exist!

I’ve managed to lose the five pounds I gained during my week-long chocolate diet.  Like I always say:  if it sounds too good to be true...” 

Thanks Wall Street Journal for pointing out the hoax, but being the crack investigator that I am, I already had it figured out.

KEEP YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION – 5 GUARANTEED DIET PLANS

           

This is Connie Palmer here to remind you that Santa Claus is coming to town.  As soon as he leaves you’ll be faced with another year of reflection.  That’s right, another year of New Year’s Resolutions, the annual ritual of making a list of promises you either won’t or can’t keep.  This time around, I’m not going to participate in the yearly blood bath of disappointment.  This year I’m here to help you.

The number one resolution, especially for women, is weight loss.  We all know that being closer to your “ideal” weight is better for your health and possibly your well-being.  The problem is a lot of us try to lose pounds as quickly as possible and be done.  When it comes to weight loss we have a “fix it and forget it” mentality when we know we need to make lifestyle changes.  For those of you who still want a quick fix, I have a guaranteed solution.   There is no limit to the number of fad diets and chances are you’ve tried one or more.  These diets are guaranteed to work.  The weight loss resolution-solution is not how or if you try the fad diets, but when you try them.  Here are five of my favorite fad diets that won’t leave you behind the eight ball on next December 31. 

THE 1 DAY DIET  – On this plan you’re guaranteed to lose1 to 2 pounds.  Now the diet can’t be repeated more than twice a week, but if one day is all you can last on a diet, this plan is the one for you.

THE 7 DAY ALL YOU CAN EAT DIET  – If you like fruits and vegetables, you’re a winner because you can have all the fruits and vegetables you want the first three days of the plan.  On the fourth day, you eat 5 bananas with 5 glasses of milk.   On Friday, the fifth day, eat all the fresh vegetables and fruit you want, plus you can add 3 ounces of beef, chicken or fish steaks.  Saturday is vegetable day with 3 ounces of beef steak.  Sunday repeat Saturday’s menu.  This is bound to work because; depending on your system most of this food will most likely come out of one end of your body or the other for a guaranteed five pound weight loss.

THE CABBAGE SOUP DIET - This diet lets you eat homemade cabbage soup whenever you’re hungry.  Personally, I really enjoyed the soup even when I wasn’t trying to diet.   I would suggest investing in a large supply of Beano, GasX, or some similar product while on this diet.  

 THE HOLLYWOOD DIET -   I remember when this was a diet plan that many stars raved about, and why not?  It’s nothing but juice and a total of about 400 calories.  Follow this diet long enough and you could look like a starving actress or a dead model in no time.  According to Faddiet.com you can expect to lose 3-4 pounds on this type of diet fast.  

THE GRAPEFRUIT DIET –.  Believe it or not, this diet may actually work because you either eat ½ grapefruit or drink 8 ounces of grapefruit juice a day.  You must drink 64 ounces of water a day and the rest of the plan calls for a menu to follow. This is great if you like grapefruit and you don’t mind possibly getting an ulcer.  Either way, with all the liquid you consume some water loss is guaranteed.

I know you ladies and gentlemen are astute enough to remember that I said some weight loss is guaranteed with these plans, and here’s how:  I suggest making your resolution on New Year’s day 2012 but start your diet on December 25, 2012  By December 31, 2012, you can honestly say you lost some weight during the year.

I was browsing Daniel Worona‘s website on humor and ran across this quote:  “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.  ~Author Unknown

It seems to me that the advice in this quote is absolutely perfect to assure  a successful weight loss plan for the new year.  Happy musing!