THE YEAR 2012!

 A Brain Fart  by Miss Fanny

So here we are in a new year.  It’s 2012 and all I’ve got to say is Hallelujah! When you get my age you‘re just glad when you wake up in the morning, but if you really think about it I guess that we’re all are living on borrowed time.

This is a leap year, which means that there’s one extra day added to the 365 that we normally have.  Unfortunately that gives folks an additional day to act a fool this year, and I’m sure that there are plenty of them out there who will prove me right.

Last year was pretty exciting for me.  I’m sure that you heard about my good fortune.  If you didn’t that means that you having been reading our story, especially the one about how my daughter-in-law, Hattie Collier, made headlines in Las Vegas—talk about somebody acting a fool!  Of course Hattie and her two best friends, Bea and Connie, are still running around here trying to be some kind of detectives.  It’s really pitiful, since they have no idea what they’re doing, and this year they have an extra day to prove how truly crazy they are.

If you ask me, half the world has gone crazy, and a new year probably won’t improve the situation, especially since it’s an election year too.  Lord have mercy!  I can’t wait until that’s over.  In the next couple of months we’re gonna hear more lies coming from the candidates than the law ought to allow.  I’m thinking about moving to a foreign country until the election is over, and I’ll mail in my absentee vote.

Speaking of foreign countries, one of my fondest wishes for this New Year is that I won’t have to hear one more word about that royal family in England.  Didn’t America defeat that country way back when?  You wouldn’t know it the way the media here slobbers all over every little thing that the “royals” do.  Why a bunch of foreign welfare recipients who live off of the taxes of their hard working countrymen get so much attention I can’t understand.  What they need to do is make some of those princes and princesses get some jobs and then they could support that queen mother.  That ought to help the European financial crisis I keep reading about.  It seems to me that the royal family is just some sort of show case and they are about as useless as the U.S. Congress, the Kardashians, and the other so-called reality shows, including the one about the fat folks.  I’m tired of reading and hearing about all of them.

In spite of my complaints, I’m realistic and I know that there’s little hope that my wish for the year will come true. Like I said earlier, I’m just glad that I’m here to see another 365…oops, 366 days, and I’ll enjoy every one of them that the good Lord grants me.  I hope that you do too.  

This is Fanny Collier wishing you Happy Musings!

KEEP YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION – 5 GUARANTEED DIET PLANS

           

This is Connie Palmer here to remind you that Santa Claus is coming to town.  As soon as he leaves you’ll be faced with another year of reflection.  That’s right, another year of New Year’s Resolutions, the annual ritual of making a list of promises you either won’t or can’t keep.  This time around, I’m not going to participate in the yearly blood bath of disappointment.  This year I’m here to help you.

The number one resolution, especially for women, is weight loss.  We all know that being closer to your “ideal” weight is better for your health and possibly your well-being.  The problem is a lot of us try to lose pounds as quickly as possible and be done.  When it comes to weight loss we have a “fix it and forget it” mentality when we know we need to make lifestyle changes.  For those of you who still want a quick fix, I have a guaranteed solution.   There is no limit to the number of fad diets and chances are you’ve tried one or more.  These diets are guaranteed to work.  The weight loss resolution-solution is not how or if you try the fad diets, but when you try them.  Here are five of my favorite fad diets that won’t leave you behind the eight ball on next December 31. 

THE 1 DAY DIET  – On this plan you’re guaranteed to lose1 to 2 pounds.  Now the diet can’t be repeated more than twice a week, but if one day is all you can last on a diet, this plan is the one for you.

THE 7 DAY ALL YOU CAN EAT DIET  – If you like fruits and vegetables, you’re a winner because you can have all the fruits and vegetables you want the first three days of the plan.  On the fourth day, you eat 5 bananas with 5 glasses of milk.   On Friday, the fifth day, eat all the fresh vegetables and fruit you want, plus you can add 3 ounces of beef, chicken or fish steaks.  Saturday is vegetable day with 3 ounces of beef steak.  Sunday repeat Saturday’s menu.  This is bound to work because; depending on your system most of this food will most likely come out of one end of your body or the other for a guaranteed five pound weight loss.

THE CABBAGE SOUP DIET - This diet lets you eat homemade cabbage soup whenever you’re hungry.  Personally, I really enjoyed the soup even when I wasn’t trying to diet.   I would suggest investing in a large supply of Beano, GasX, or some similar product while on this diet.  

 THE HOLLYWOOD DIET -   I remember when this was a diet plan that many stars raved about, and why not?  It’s nothing but juice and a total of about 400 calories.  Follow this diet long enough and you could look like a starving actress or a dead model in no time.  According to Faddiet.com you can expect to lose 3-4 pounds on this type of diet fast.  

THE GRAPEFRUIT DIET –.  Believe it or not, this diet may actually work because you either eat ½ grapefruit or drink 8 ounces of grapefruit juice a day.  You must drink 64 ounces of water a day and the rest of the plan calls for a menu to follow. This is great if you like grapefruit and you don’t mind possibly getting an ulcer.  Either way, with all the liquid you consume some water loss is guaranteed.

I know you ladies and gentlemen are astute enough to remember that I said some weight loss is guaranteed with these plans, and here’s how:  I suggest making your resolution on New Year’s day 2012 but start your diet on December 25, 2012  By December 31, 2012, you can honestly say you lost some weight during the year.

I was browsing Daniel Worona‘s website on humor and ran across this quote:  “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.  ~Author Unknown

It seems to me that the advice in this quote is absolutely perfect to assure  a successful weight loss plan for the new year.  Happy musing!