THE GHOST OF HALLOWEEN PAST

This is Ms. Fanny with a Halloween story.  Once upon a time children—and sometimes parents—looked forward to the yearly ritual of Halloween.  They ran through their neighborhoods, many in homemade costumes in search of candy, fruit and even money.  They swapped stories of which houses had the best treats and which cheapskates to avoid.

Parents stood on the sidewalks chatting with each other as they watched their little ones race from house to house.  They also watched out for the pranksters that soaped windows when they didn’t get treats.  The point is it was fun and relatively safe, and then one Halloween the wind shifted,

Instead of gobbling candy as soon as they got it, kids had to take their treats to fire stations and hospitals to have it x-rayed for razor blades and other objects.  The boogie man was not just on the movie screen but it popped up more and more in real life.

Yep, things have changed.  Heck, I remember liking scary movies like, House on the Haunted Hill, Night of the Living Dead, The Tingler, and just about anything starring Vincent Price. Yes I know, by today’s standards, those movies may be corny but there was suspense and there was enough left to your imagination, that you were really scared.  You finished the movies laughing about the things that scared you, rather than vomiting from the gore.

What do we have today?  Blood, guts, torture and sex is about all you’ll see on the big screen these days, all of which is motivated by the constant quest to make money, of course.  If a movie makes a dollar, then by all means do it over and over.  So we’ve started having cookie-cutter movies that show every gory detail for those too dumb to figure it out, movies like Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13^th, 14^th, 15^th, 16^th, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  Filmmakers had an ‘aha’ moment and made 75 more of each of these movies—or at least it seems like it.  I’m sure the next franchise will feature movies like Jason, Jr. and the Grandkids, Freddy’s Dead—Again and Saw and Saw Some More.

But don’t mind me.  I’m just musing about the good old days when I could frighten the brats in my neighborhood nearly to death and laugh about it the next day.

POLITICAL POSSIBILITIES

Hello folks, it's Bea this week and I'm sitting here thinking about how difficult it is to be a political animal when politics has become so nasty. These days politicians are thought of as scum and the reputation has been earned honestly.  The American public couldn't rate the members of  the U.S. Congress any lower than it does presently.  Yet, I'm still interested in politics.  I still think that there is hope for America's politicians.

Before I retired I was an administrator in city government with a lot of political contacts and connections.  Over my many decades in dealing with politicians from the county level to the federal level, I can tell you that there were times  when hope looked dim for some of the nitwits.

Oh, I'm not saying that everyone who goes into politics is crooked. I still like to believe that most people who go into public service do so with the best intent.  It's just when some of them get there they get a taste of power, even at the local level, it becomes addictive and too often gets out of control.

I don't know the statics, but I wonder how many members of the U.S. Congress enter their positions on shaky financial ground but leave their terms of office wealthy.  How can that happen?  Well the "benefits" of being in public office can be very rewarding.  There are the contacts that can be made and the inside information that can be gathered that can prove to be very lucrative, and if you don't believe that some of them don't take advantage of those "benefits", then you've got a lot to learn.

What we need is term limits for these suckers! I don't mean the 2 to 6 year terms that they presently serve, but limiting those terms to running once or twice, like the President of the United States, and then it's over. That should be long enough to do something effective while in office, and if they don't then maybe the next one will.  No more sitting in Congress 30 or 40 years until you're so old that you're moldy and so are your ideas. Maybe what could emerge would be the birth of a new type of politician--one who really cares about the people that they are elected to serve.

Let's take some time to muse on that!    

THE PASTOR’S ASS REVISITED

This is Connie Palmer.  You may have read articles by my friend, Hattie, who has made her opinions known several times.  Hattie has quite a problem worrying about how she is being judged by others.  I’ve tried to tell her over and over again that the best way to live life is to be satisfied with who she is.  “Hattie,” I said, “worrying about what others think will be the death of you.”  Then, I ran across an old story that illustrated my point perfectly.  I don’t know who originally wrote it but its good advice for a lot of us.

THE PASTOR’S ASS

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.  The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read:  PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:  BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.  The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:  NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.  He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:  NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:   NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is...being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery... and even shorten your life.  So be yourself and enjoy life...Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

Muse on that, Hattie.

BRAIN FART: HELP! I’M DROWNING IN EXPERTS

Hello, folks, this is Miss Fanny here, and I’m so mad that I can spit!  These damn pundits or punk heads or talking mouths or whatever they’re called are getting on my nerves.  Everybody is an expert on everything.  Everybody’s got something to say about everything thing and I have just about had it.

Every time I turn on the TV there’s some so called experts with their lips flapping.  One of the things that really bugs me is when they’re talking about us being in a recession, over and over and over and over again.   I get it!  Nobody’s got any money or jobs except the rich fat cats who are to blame for the mortgage crisis that helped start the recession in the first play.    Then there are the news programs that cover famous trials.  The parade of “experts” making comments on the defendant, the prosecutor, the judge, the jury, the bailiff, the court décor etc. etc. etc., goes on and on.  I’m telling you that I don’t care!  All I care about in a trial is if the person on trial is declared innocent or guilty.  That’s all that matters.

Just as annoying are the “experts” making comments on those entertainment shows.   Usually these nameless people, who according to the information underneath their faces are usually the editors of this or that magazine (aka gossip sheets) deliver these breathless tidbits about celebrity marriages, divorces and plans for the future, and I’ll bet a million dollars that very few of them, if any, have ever met or spoken to any of the celebrities whose business they seem to know so much about.  Give me a break!

So fed up with seeing and hearing these so called experts on everything on TV, I decided to start reading the newspaper more.  After all, they’re rapidly disappearing and I figured that I better read a few of them while they’re still around.  In the past the news was pretty reliable and fairly detailed, so here I was expecting to be free of the so called “experts” in print, and lo and behold I run across this headline:  “Many Contemporary Christians are Pious Parrots”.  Say What?!  Pious Parrots?  

The headline alone made me mad.  I’m a Christian and I’m being compared to a bird? Then under that it read:  “They repeat trendy phrases they don’t understand or distort”.  I was so hot after that I barely noticed that the article was written by somebody named John Blake and that it came from CNN, which I know is the TV news show. 

Among the many things that the article said was that many Christians don’t know what they’re talking about when they say things like to “name and claim” something and after getting it announce “I’m highly blessed and favored.”  It said that Christians are just repeating these words like “pious parrots”.

Some Episcopal theologian—which is an undercover way of saying expert—named Marcus Borg, said that “he heard so many people misusing terms such as “born again” and “salvation” that he wrote a book about the practice.  Am I surprise?  Don’t most experts write books?

I won’t even go into all that the article said, some of which I don’t agree with and some of which made sense.  All I know is that I’m sick and tired of experts.  If I remember correctly it was experts who said that the Titanic couldn’t sink, the Hindenburg couldn’t crash and probably never would have considered that the Twin Towers could ever fall.

I think I’ll just muse on that for a while. 

EDUCATION: WHAT’S THE POINT?

I recently I went back to college to take a few courses that were of interest to me.  Believe it or not, a friend asked me why.  His exact words were, “Beatrice Bell, you’re in your sixties so why would a woman your age go back to college?”  I chalked the question up as one being asked by a fool. Then one of my grandchildren heard about my going back to school and my grandchild told me that it was the dumbest thing that I’ve ever done.  Passionately, he tried to convince me how pointless it was to go to college at any age. 

He cited the statistic that the United States’ unemployment rate was 9.1%.   He said that companies are laying off workers at an alarming rate.  He further pointed out that the 401 retirement accounts of many workers have taken a serious beating to the point that people are wondering if they’ll be able to retire at all.  He rambled on about how instead of senior citizens having a nest egg in their golden years, they’re ending up with egg on their faces.  (Ain’t he precious?)  It was at this point I wanted to tell him to get out of my face and sit down. 

That’s when he hit me with the bombshell.  “Grandma,” he said, “why should I waste time and money going to school when there are no jobs out there.”  I finally got it.  Mr. Know-it-all had been working up the nerve to tell me that he wasn’t going to college, and his argument was that not only would he and his parents spend thousands of dollars on a “worthless” diploma, but he could be saddled with well over $40,000 in debt and no job to pay it off.  “Have you ever thought about that,” he asked smugly?

I put on my best grandmother face and sweetly explained to him that a college education never guaranteed anybody a good job.  “It does, however, increase the likelihood of employment,” I told him.  “It gives you options for your future and makes you an appealing candidate for a job.” 

I reminded him that according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a person with a Bachelor degree generally earns $51,000 a year or almost double the $27,915 a year that he could earn with a high school diploma. As for the astronomical cost of school, everybody doesn’t have go to an Ivy League school or even one of the Big Ten colleges.  I reminded the boy that in the city where we lived, there were fourteen—count ‘em—fourteen community colleges to choose from.

As for the cost of going to college, we did a Google search together and found enough scholarships, grants, and contests to make your head swim.  “But I don’t qualify for any of those!” he complained.  “My grades aren’t that good.”

I told him that he might not have a perfect grade point average but he still might qualify.  “Oh, and miracles of miracles” I said, “First you have to actually apply for a scholarship or grant.  If your grades are at the bottom of the class, that’s a definite problem, so study.”   Actually, I knew that the boy would have to be pushed to do that as well as write an essay to apply for grants or scholarships because he’s kind of lazy.  I read that a lot of free money is not awarded because the students are too lazy to write an essay.  I had to explain to him that, yes, even in the computer age, employers expect you to be able to string enough sentences together to form a cohesive thought.

I went on to enlighten him on the fact that a person didn’t have to get a four-year degree.  Even an associate’s degree could open up more opportunities, and having a plan for the future could help a lot.  Attending college just to have the experience of a 4-year party binge is not the object.  Knowing what fields are losing jobs and avoiding those might work.  Also it would be wise to aim for a degree in fields that are gaining jobs.

A blog entitled “Why College” written by Terrell Halaska and Kristin Conklin, who are partners of HCM Strategies, a Washington, DC public policy advocacy consulting firm, notes that in 2009 and 2010, an average of 20,000 jobs a month have been added in the health field.

So why college?  The answer is more options, additional knowledge and a broader future. I looked at my grandchild and reminded him that life is ever evolving and when an opportunity rolled around, he wouldn’t be able to seize the opportunity if he hadn’t prepared for it. Who knows what new jobs might come along, but would he be ready for them?  Besides, for him, college is two years away and he will be going. 

With that I gave my last piece of advice, “Get your behind in your room and study!”  And he could muse on that for the next two years!

TWITTER DEE TWITTER DUMB

Hi folks, I’m Hattie Collier and I’d like to say that I’ve got a bone to pick.  Actually, I’m hopping mad and I’ve got to calm down just to write about this. 

You see, the other day my twelve year old granddaughter came to my house, and as usual I was almost  glad to see her, and I say almost because lately when she comes over, all she does is sit on my couch and  constantly twitters or tweets—or whatever they call it.  I’ve noticed that conversation between us has become very limited the older she gets.  I’m surprised she can put a complete sentence together when she does speak, so on this particular day I decided to try and see if she could still talk.

I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up.  It’s a question that I’ve asked her many times in the past and the answers have gone the gamut from a princess to a teacher.  She was nine the last time I asked and she said that she wanted to be an astronaut.  Was I proud!

This time she looked up at me with her thumbs steadily moving over her cell phone and said just as plain as day, “I plan on being a reality star on TV because I want to get paid.”  Say what?

I kept my cool and asked smugly, “And what courses will you take in college to prepare you for that career?”

Still tweeting, she didn’t even look up when she answered, “Oh, I’m not going to college.  I’m gonna make a sex tape when I’m eighteen, put it on YouTube and get discovered that way.”

I would have laughed out loud if she hadn’t looked serious.  All I could think of was, Lord, have mercy, where did we go wrong?  I kept telling myself that she was only twelve, so she’d change her mind ten times before she reached eighteen, so don’t despair.  But I whispered a silent prayer for some backup and then I asked, “Have you told your folks about your big plans?”

“Nope,” she answered with her thumbs continuing to fly, “I’m just sharing it with you.  They’ll find out when I turn eighteen.  So please don’t tell them.”

Now I was supposed to be a co-conspirator with my granddaughter about her plans to become a porn star!  Lucky me!

I had to drop on my knees that night and pray over that one.  I didn’t want to betray her trust, but I decided that if I saw any signs that this was truly her ambition and not some childhood fantasy, I was running like the wind to my daughter and son-in-law and squeal like a pig. You see, that’s one of the advantages of being a grandparent, you can dump the problems that the grandkids might have right into their parents’ laps.

After getting over the shock of having a potential nudie model in the family, I decided that I had to get a clue as to where the child’s head was at.  What was it about her generation that made public nudity and sexual activity an acceptable stepping stone to stardom, and on a so called reality show at that!

I headed to the library in search of a book that might explain to me what was going on in this country that outside forces would influence my kindhearted grandchild more than her descent, loving, and God-fearing family.

I’m not sure that I got the answer, but I’m sure did get a clue.  Remembering how my granddaughter never missed a beat twittering during our rare five minute conversation, I picked up a book titled Bloggerati, Twitterait:  How Blogs and Twitter are Transforming Popular Culture. The book was written by Mary Cross.

What I read boggled my mind.  I knew that things in this country were changing. That always happens, but as I continued reading it dawned on me that I was living through a full-fledged revolution; nothing would ever be the same again.

There was too much in the book to review here, but among the many things that I found to be really interesting were the predictions that Eric Schmidt, the former CEO of Google, made in 2009.

These are some of his predictions about what the internet would look like in 5 years (that’s by 2014):

“Today’s teenagers are the model of how the Web will work in five years—they jump from app to app to app seamlessly.”  I know that’s true.  I’ve been a witness to that!

“It’s because of this fundamental shift toward user-generated information that people will listen more to other people than to traditional sources.”  If “traditional sources” include family members he’s right on track with that.

OTHER PREDICTIONS INCLUDE:

“American popular culture is going worldwide and viral on the Internet.”  Who can argue with that?

 “People will be more knowledgeable, though not necessarily wiser.”  Truer words were never spoken.  The just plain stupid decision making quota has reached an all time high.

“But there will be a proliferation of bad information, rumor and falsehoods.”  As if there’s not enough of that now!

“The power structure will change, breaking the grip of established institutions on culture and giving more power to the ordinary person.”  More power to dumber people.  Oh Lord!

 “Privacy on the Internet is essentially over.”  As if I need more people in my business. I’m just thrilled by that!

 “More people will work at home.”  Good, now my daughter and son-in-law can watch their kids more often.  I’ve got things to do!

“Women will dominate social networks.”  Thank goodness, all we need is more porno watching men on the internet. 

“Smarter kids, harder to educate.”  Translated:  Smarter kids will be dumber.  

“An increasingly isolated individual within the nuclear family.”  

So that’s the bottom line.  I see this last prediction happening with my four grandchildren every day, and I’m in the battle of a life time to try to stem the tide.  But, somebody tell me how can a mere mortal fight a tsunami?  Progress is not always improvement.

We can all muse on that.

WHAT PEOPLE SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

Hello, this is Connie Palmer writing on the blog this week, and I’ve been giving some thought about how difficult it is for most of us to say what we really mean.  How many times have we heard the words “honesty is the best policy”?  Too many as far as I’m concerned, especially when I know that lies seem to be more common than truth for too many people. It’s especially rampant among politicians.  I’m beginning to think that lying is second nature for them they tell so many of them.  It would be nice if people say what they really mean.  Believe me, the world would be a much better place.

For instance, when politicians say that these are times of economic uncertainty, what they really mean is that your ass is grass! You ain’t got no money.  You ain’t gonna get no money, and the government ain’t gonna print no more money so you can get some. Too bad for you! I’ve got mine and I’m happy. 

That lie is almost as bad as when they say “I’m not a Washington insider”.  What they really mean and what they leave out is the word yet, because as soon as they get the opportunity to meet whoever can make them an insider it’s status quo time. Power and influence are addictive and I’m not aware of many rebels in Washington. I might be wrong, but I don’t think that there are many politicians who leave office with less money than they had when they won office. 

But I’m not going to beat up on politicians. They’re just easy targets because they lie so much about everything.  There are so many things that people say, but don’t mean that I can’t name them all, so I picked a few of my other favorites.         

When you bump into someone that you haven’t seen for some time and they call you Sweetie, Honey or Dear during the conversation, what they really mean is “I couldn’t remember your name if somebody paid me,” or “either I’ve got to cut this short and make my escape or keep talking until you give me a clue to what the hell your name is.”  I know this one is true because I’m guilty. 

Another one is when some parents say that their child is precocious. What they really mean is watch out for the brat and I’m keeping the kid’s hair long so the horns don’t show. 

This one is for those of you who are grandparents. When your children bring the grandchildren over to your house and they say:  “Could you watch the kids for a little while.  I’ve got to run to the (fill in the blank).”  What they really mean is “You’ll be babysitting for me for the next 4, (6,8,10,18 or maybe 24) hours and if you think that you’re going to see me before then you’ve got another think coming!” I learned this one the hard way, so grandparents beware! Let them call you in advance, tell you exactly what they need, and if you give them the okay also give them a deadline.  If the car doesn’t pull up by the deadline, that’s it.  Next time tell them to find another babysitter.  You’ve got your own life to live.

You know, one thing that I enjoy about growing older is having attained peace of mind. Things that were so important when I was younger have become less so now.  I don’t tolerate lies or liars anymore. I demand the truth and I try to be truthful.  Oh, there are times when I’ll backslide so that I won’t hurt someone’s feelings. After all how can I tell a mother that her baby is ugly?  So I’ll describe it as sweet, or precious when what I really mean is that I hope the kid grows up to be smart, because becoming attractive will remain an unattainable goal.   

It would be nice if we could all say what we mean more often.  I think that the truth can hurt much less than a lie. I’m just saying what I really mean, so you can muse on that.